Happy Halloween!

Star Trek without Shatner

Apparently, William Shatner is a bit miffed at not being cast in the upcoming Star Trek prequel. Personally, I'm not losing sleep over it. Between the two, I'd much prefer to see Leonard Nimoy's Spock than Shatner's Kirk. Besides, Kirk was given a major role in the feature film Star Trek: Generations, whereas the last time Leonard Nimoy donned pointed ears, it was on an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

(Plus, Leonard Nimoy never told his fanbase to get a life.)

The best of The Simpsons

Over the summer, right before the release of the movie, Vanity Fair published an article listing what they considered the 10 best Simpsons episodes. I'm not sure I agree with all of their choices, so I've compiled my own list of best episodes. I know I'm gonna catch hell for leaving certain episodes out, but let me tell ya—choosing this list was no easy task!!! Particularly since I have more than 400 episodes to choose from, and so many of them are fabulous. So I upped the ante slightly to the 15 best episodes!

So without further ado . . .

15. Bart the General: This is one of the earliest episodes of The Simpsons, trailing all the way back to the first season. It's quite a shocker hearing Homer's original, much smarter voice (apparently Dan Castellaneta originally conceived the character in the vein of Walter Matthau), but this episode features the first appearances of Grandpa Simpson, who isn't quite as over-the-hill as he becomes in later seasons, as well as the school bully, Nelson Muntz. In fact, Nelson is the focal point of this episode, because after getting beat up by Nelson for the umpteenth time, Bart finally draws the line and forms an army to fight Nelson. This episode largely parodies Patton and Full Metal Jacket, but it features some very mature writing and lays the groundwork for several of the characters that follow in the years to come.

Best line: "You know, I thought I was too old. I thought my time had passed. I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain, or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. . . . Thank heaven for children!" (Grandpa Simpson)

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14. Homer at the Bat: This is another entry from the early days of The Simpsons, where Mr. Burns makes an unfriendly wager that his power plant's softball team would beat a competing plant's team. To ensure said victory, Mr. Burns sends Smithers up to the big leagues and kidnaps recruits several early '90s Major League Baseball stars to play on his team—such as Ken Griffey, Jr., Wade Boggs, Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, and Jose Canseco (long before he decided to write a certain book). Somehow Homer ends up on the team, but is firmly relegated to the bench . . . but when various tragedies befall Springfield's newest superstars, Homer may become the team's unexpected savior!

Best line: "I still like him better than Steinbrenner." (Don Mattingly, referring to Mr. Burns after he kicks Mattingly off the team for not trimming his "sideburns")

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13. Homer the Great: This episode has two great things going for it—the first is the most catchy Simpsons tune ever created (the Stonecutters' Song), and the second is Patrick Stewart starring in the perfect guest spot. For in this episode, Homer gets a taste of greatness after being initiated into Springfield's secret and elusive society—the Stonecutters (courtesy of his stalking Lenny and Carl to one of their meetings, then conning his way in because his father's already a member). After reveling in the benefits of a member (vibrating chairs at work, secret entrances to the best parking spots at the power plant, and learning the real emergency number—912), he is then nearly kicked out of the Stonecutters for desecrating the sacred parchment. But after attaching the Stone of Shame to Homer, the society members discover Homer's birthmark . . . which happens to perfectly match the symbol of the Stonecutters' "chosen one"! The question now is, will Homer lead the Stonecutters to glory, or will he take the club down from the inside?

Best line: "Now let's all get drunk and play pingpong!" (#1, following a very formal introductory speech at the Stonecutters' first meeting)

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12. Treehouse of Horror VII: This Halloween episode features one of the best political satires The Simpsons ever put out—"Citizen Kang," focusing on the 1996 presidential election, where space alien regulars Kang and Kodos impersonate candidates Bill Clinton and Bob Dole. "The Thing and I" has Bart's Siamese twin Hugo living in the attic and yearning to surgically reattach himself to Bart. And in "The Genesis Tube", Lisa accidentally creates life in a scientific experiment gone haywire, where her tiny inhabitants think she is God and Bart is the devil.

Best line: "The politics of failure have failed! We need to make them work again." (Kang in the form of Bob Dole, from the "Citizen Kang" clip)

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11. Homer's Enemy: "The Odd Couple" meets the Simpson family in this episode, as Mr. Burns is intrigued by self-made man Frank Grimes and brings him on board to be his executive vice president—until he sees a heroic dog on TV, who ends up becoming executive vice president instead. As such, newcomer Frank Grimes is assigned to Homer's sector . . . and the two men mesh like oil and water, as Frank Grimes is a determined, self-made man who takes his job seriously, whereas Homer represents the very definition of "sloth." Their awkward relationship is the comedic focal point of this episode, as Frank Grimes is utterly undone by Homer's buffoonery. His rage finally comes to the boiling point when he comes to understand that an idiot like Homer is more rewarded and more respected than a self-made man who's had to fight for everything in his life. Vanity Fair actually labelled this episode as the darkest, and I'm inclined to agree with that.

Best line: "During his long recuperation, he taught himself to hear—and feel pain again." (Kent Brockman in Frank Grimes's exposé)

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10. The Joy of Sect: While on a visit to the mall, Bart and Homer stumble upon the Movementarians, who promise to take everyone who joins their cult away to the planet Blisstonia, where everyone will live in a state of perpetual bliss under their perfect "leader." Homer proves to be impervious to their brainwashing, though, courtesy of his short attention span, but finally cracks when the Movementarians discover how to communicate with Homer on his level. One of my favorite moments from this episode is actually provided by Hans Moleman, who has a very brief but priceless cameo at the "Just Crichton and King Bookstore".

Best line: "Homer no function beer well without." (Homer)

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9. The Springfield Connection: After a surge of adrenaline causes Marge to overpower Snake when he tries to mug her, Marge feels the calling to join the Springfield Police Force. Naturally, she must fight for credibility on the streets . . . and in her own family, because impulsive Homer doesn't hesitate to abuse the privileges of Marge's position. My favorite segment is when he directly challenges her authority as a police officer in public, and she's forced to arrest him for resisting arrest, planning to purchase alcohol for Jimbo and his crew, and doing the world's worst park job in front of the Kwik-E-Mart. (Hans Moleman's "execution" is another priceless moment, too.)

Best line: "When Marge first told me she was going to the police academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting like that movie—Spaceballs! But instead it's been painful and disturbing like that movie Police Academy." (Homer)

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8. The Cartridge Family: After a soccer riot spills into the streets of Springfield, essentially plunging the town into chaos, Homer decides to protect his family in a new fashion: he buys a gun. Marge is naturally horrified at said purchase, especially after Homer "surprises" her with it. It doesn't help matters either that Homer's enthusiasm for his new firearm totally shoots down (pun intended) any notions of safety—like opening a beer by shooting open the can, or turning on the TV by shooting at the set. So Marge, fearing for their family's safety, gives Homer an ultimatum: the gun or his family. (Take a wild guess which he chooses.)

Best line: "Center passes to the halfback, back to the wing, back to the center. Center holds it . . . holds it . . . holds it . . ." (a deadpan Kent Brockman, only to have his sentiments echoed by the far more impassioned Hispanic radio announcer next door)

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7. 22 Short Films About Springfield: This episode makes perfect sense when you think about it. Because with over 400 episodes in The Simpsons' library, there are literally tons of background characters that don't get a lot of screen time or character development. Thus, this episode takes a few moments and gives them all moments to shine in individual, 4-minute vignettes: such as Doctor Nick Riviera in an ER-like scene where he diagnoses Grandpa Simpson with skin failure; Bumblebee Man returning home from work only to trip and flail around the house, much like he would on the "Krusty the Clown Show"; Milhouse, his father, Chief Wiggum, and Snake essentially re-enacting Pulp Fiction's "Bring out the gimp" scene; and Principal Skinner cooking Superintendent Chalmers Krusty Burgers "Steamed Hams" for dinner.

Best line: "That is a rare photo of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore. It is worth $150." (Comic Book Guy)

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6. Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-Doh!-cious: If Walt Disney were alive today, I'm sure he'd be preparing the legal team from hell—minus Lionel Hutz, of course—for this episode literally screams, "Mary Poppins!" That's not a bad thing, mind you! Because in this episode, Marge and Homer decide to hire a nanny after Marge begins losing her hair from too much stress. (Imagine that—the Simpson family causing anyone stress!) Though the more they look for a nanny, the less optimistic they become about finding a suitable one . . . until one literally descends from the sky, holding onto a magical umbrella and dressed in Victorian attire. Introducing herself as Sherry Bobbins, she quickly reforms the entire family . . . but as it turns out, even she has her limits.

Best line: "Sherry Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country . . . then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her!" (Groundskeeper Willie)

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5. The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson: In this episode, Barney inadvertently gets appointed the designated driver one night at Moe's, and in retribution, steals Homer's car. Two months later, Barney returns to Springfield—but without Homer's car. Not long after, though, Homer receives a letter from the city of New York saying that his car is illegally parked at the World Trade Center (this episode aired around 1997), would he please come and move it or it will be thrown into the East River. Suffice it to say, the Simpson family ventures to the Big Apple . . . but everyone is enthusiastic except Homer, who has bad memories of New York from his youth. Watching Homer try to retrieve his car from the World Trade Center is the gem of this episode, for he runs into obstacle after obstacle. And his desperate search for a restroom in the two towers is just priceless. (On another note, when Homer is dialing into the parking hotline, he's told to wait for Parking Officer Steve Grabowski. I actually once worked with someone named Steve Grabowski! Though he wasn't a police officer.)

Best line: "Ohhhhh, why did I drink all that crab juice!" (Homer)

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4. Behind the Laughter: Here, The Simpsons are profiled in a behind-the-scenes E!-type exposé. This episode aired right as the show started to make its turning point in style (wherein I felt it lost much of its charm and draw), but this episode nevertheless is very original in its conception! It treats the Simpson family like an actual Hollywood family, tracing its fairy-tale rise and tragic downfall. Quite an innovative take on the Simpson family!!!

Best line: "Every day I thought about firing Marge. You know, just to shake things up!" (Homer)

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3. Burns, Baby Burns: While on a train trip home from the Yale-Harvard game, a novelty salesman named Larry (voiced by none other than Rodney Dangerfield!) spots Mr. Burns—and recognizes him as his long-lost father! Somehow Larry makes his way to Springfield by hitching a ride with the Simpson family, and wouldn't you know it—Larry and Homer click like two peas in a pod, all on account of their mutual laziness. But when Mr. Burns and Larry meet, father and son don't necessarily see eye to eye, at least in terms of class and social etiquette. Larry's turn at the Burns party allows Rodney Dangerfield to showcase his witticism in a wonderful send-up to Back to School.

Best line: "Let me put it this way: he spelled 'Yale' with a six." (Yale recruiter on Larry Burns' test scores) (It was hard choosing this line, for the record, given the great many fabulous lines by Rodney Dangerfield in this episode. But if I were to choose Rodney Dangerfield's best line, it would be, "I don't get no regard, no regard at all. No esteem, either!")

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2. El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer (which I think translates into "Homer's Mystical Journey"): Despite how much I enjoy it, this episode must be jinxed for me, because every time I watch it, I never get to watch it all the way through. I only get to watch it in fits and starts. But anyway, Springfield's annual chili cookoff is in full-swing, and Homer, the self-proclaimed chili king, consumes several of Chief Wiggum's Guatemalan insanity peppers—which send Homer on a hallucinogenic joyride that ultimately turns into a spiritual quest, as Homer encounters his spirit guide in the form of a coyote (voiced by the man in black himself, Johnny Cash) who instructs Homer to find his soulmate . . . who may or may not be Marge.

Best line: It's actually a tie between "Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it!" (Homer) and "Eight spices? Hmm, some of them must be doubles." (Marge)

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And the #1 episode in my book is . . . Who Shot Mr. Burns? This was a huge event when it came out in 1995, particularly since season-ending cliffhangers were all the rage at the time. But for the three or four people who haven't seen this episode, Mr. Burns builds a sun-blocking apparatus and leaves Springfield in a state of perpetual twilight, thus ensuring an unending influx of electricity revenue for himself. This comes on the heels of his stealing the oil well from the local elementary school, and when taken as a whole, it's enough to drive everyone in Springfield to the point of murder. But the question is . . . with everyone in town a suspect, who's the real killer?

Best line (and spoiler warning!!!): Another tie, between "I'll kill that Mr. Burns! And, uh, wound that Mr. Smithers!" (Groundskeeper Willie) and "No jury in the world is going to convict a baby! . . . Maybe Texas." (Chief Wiggum)

October birthdays

This month, two of my cousins celebrate their birthdays!

October 20: Julia turns 20, and despite my best efforts, is still a Notre Dame fan.


October 27: Dan turns 23 just before his Boilermakers get taken down by my Nittany Lions (well, at least in theory).

Maybe my hearing ain't 20/20 (II)

It was raining when I went to lunch just now, and on a narrow sidewalk, I moved off to the side to let several people coming the other way pass me. While I waited for them to pass, with rain dripping down the sides of my umbrella, I overheard some of their conversation . . . or maybe misheard it. Because one person was saying to his friend, "You sound a little homophobic there!" And his friend, in a defensive tone, responded, "I go home every night!"

I'm guessing either I misunderstood their words, or someone clearly needs a dictionary.

So is it Bart's birthday, too?

Today is the 50th birthday of voice actress Nancy Cartwright, best known for doing the voice of Bart Simpson on The Simpsons. So to Nancy, Bart, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, Nelson Muntz, and anyone else on the show I've missed, I salute you!

In need of a laugh (VI)

I love these Coors Light commercials re-edited with popular press conferences/ravings/flubs of NFL coaches, so I thought I'd share the love.

When Fight Club meets . . . Calvin & Hobbes?

A while ago, I let my imagination run away with me and created a list of Fight Club quotes as spoken by "South Park" characters. Someone apparently had a similar idea—though took it in a totally different direction! For this person took the plot of Fight Club and adapted the life and stories of Calvin & Hobbes to it! The really frightening part is . . . it makes perfect sense!!! Such as how . . .

• Calvin made up Hobbes just as the narrator made up Tyler Durden
• Calvin was forced by his father to lose his imaginary friend at a certain age (probably to "build character"), which left him disillusioned and lonely
• Hobbes despised Calvin's materialistic adulthood and re-entered Calvin's life in the form of Tyler Durden to rescue him from a conformist, socially-acceptable life that's devoid of meaning
• Susie Derkins becomes disillusioned as a teen and young adult, and essentially morphs into Marla Singer
• Moe the class bully grew up into Bob, and stumbled onto Calvin/narrator at the Remaining Men Together meetings
• Fight Club had its earliest roots in Calvin's club G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimey GirlS).

Anyway, you get the idea, and the link to the article is right here.

Now THIS is a shocker!

And the shock waves rang out throughout Harry Potter-land as author J.K. Rowling made the surprise announcement that Dumbledore was, in fact, gay!

I am officially Switzerland when it comes to Harry Potter, but even from here I can see the super-conservatives who have already been lashing out at Harry Potter frothing at the bit.

The Sands comes down

Over the weekend, the Sands Casino in Atlantic City was demolished to make way for a new, more modern complex. It took me a few minutes to place this casino, because on my many annual trips to Sin City, Jr., I've frequented many casinos. I think what made the Sands memorable for me was that, on this year's trip, we actually went inside, only to discover moments later that it was closed . . . and then had an awful time finding the exit!

Austin Scott pleads not guilty

I was actually rather surprised to see this bit on Yahoo News (rather than through CDT or The Harrisburg Patriot), but Austin Scott has entered a not guilty plea against his recent rape charges.

A few weeks ago when I first heard that Scott was being accused of rape, I was quite surprised. I was even more surprised to learn that JoePa had kicked him off the team, because Joe usually stands by his players and offers them moral support during difficult times. So to hear that he'd kicked Scott off the team seemed like an uncharacteristically snap decision—which initially led me to believe that there's far more to the story than what we're being told. Either that or Joe doesn't want to repeat the embarrassment of standing by a player only to discover that he's guilty as charged (Curtis Enis, anyone?).

Without knowing all the facts, it's hard for me to form an opinion on Scott's case, though this is hardly the first time a Penn State athlete has been accused of rape. I remember a few years ago when various wrestlers stood accused of same (though I don't quite recall how that turned out). Though on the field, it's turned out to be a blessing in the disguise, because Evan Royster has come to life in Scott's absence!

Obi-Wan must be rolling in his grave

Building on my recent misgivings about the upcoming Star Trek prequel, I can now hear Star Wars fans joining in the collective groaning and eye-rolling . . . because Star Wars creator George Lucas is now planning a TV series based on Star Wars. According to the article, it won't contain any of the show's central characters (Luke, Leia, Han Solo, etc.) but will focus on "minor characters", as he puts it.

In other words, spinoff!!!

Did you order scabies with room service?

I first heard about this a week ago when the story ran on the morning news, and it caught my eye because I pass by this locale frequently. But apparently the District has ordered the shutdown of the President Inn on New York Avenue, which sits maybe a mile west of the District line. Reason? Because it's extremely unsanitary, in a nutshell: dirty and stained bed sheets, bugs infesting the rooms, and even one report of scabies being contracted!

I drive past the President Inn often, since I take New York Avenue to get to BW Parkway north, 95 north, or Route 50 west, and that stretch of New York Avenue—just before Route 1 and extending all the way down to the 395 interchange—isn't what I'd call one of the prettiest parts of town; many of the nearby hotels reflect that, too. But to be honest, for a long time I actually thought the President Inn looked like one of the better hotels on this stretch of road! Granted, I think it used to be a Days Inn or one of the larger chains a few years back, so that might have helped its image.

Fan reaction to the Star Trek prequel

The L.A. Times published an article recently about some of the early fan reactions to the forthcoming Star Trek prequel, and it's decidedly mixed (even though the article calls it cautiously optimistic).

Leonard Nimoy's announced appearance in the film boosted the fan response noticeably, but there's still some mixed feelings when you take into account the lukewarm reception to some of the more recent TV spinoffs—in particular, Voyager (which was on-and-off for me) and Enterprise (which I never saw once). Though I disagree with the assessment that Nemesis, the tenth installment in the movie franchise, was a letdown. I personally found it to be spectacular! But along with an appearance by Nimoy, I wonder if the producers are relying on the reputation of director J.J. Abrams to get the prequel some grounding with the fans, though the only thing I'm familiar with of his is Mission Impossible 3.

I have to admit, I'm still uneasy about this prequel. As I've said before, have we learned nothing about prequels from Star Wars?

The end of an era!

This really surprised me when I saw the press release, but Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has ceded control of the team to his sons, and will now serve in a sort of chairman role with the organization. I've lost track of how long Steinbrenner's owned the team (I think from the early '70s), but like so many long-standing patriarchs (like JoePa), I didn't think he'd ever step down.

The Lives of Others

I first heard of The Lives of Others at the Oscars in February, when it took home the award for Best Foreign Language Film over the expected winner, Pan's Labyrinth. It's not very often that I get to watch a foreign film, but after hearing such rave reviews about The Lives of Others on various Washington Post movie chats, I decided to give it a viewing—and I have to say, this has proven to be one of the most powerful films I've seen in a long time, probably since I saw Crash in the theaters!

The Lives of Others (which is actually titled Das Leben der Anderen in German) takes place in East Berlin in the year 1984. Even before the first shot opens into view, we're treated to a text prologue that sets a very firm tone—one that's very dark, chilling, and dare I say, resigned and devoid of hope: the year is 1984, and glasnost is a loooooooooong way off. The German Secret Police, known as the Stasi, monitor anyone not faithful to the State, and their stated purpose is "to know everything" about everyone in East Berlin (and likely in all of East Germany, too).

The way of life under the Stasi is an unexpected twist on what I'm used to with respect to films that take place in Germany—i.e., stories that take place under the Nazi regime during World War II. And when talking Cold War movies, usually I think of Soviet Russia. Never once did it occur to me to hear a tale of Communist-controlled East Germany during the '80s. The parallels between the two Communist nations are very striking, too: the Party (or the State) is the most important thing, and everyone must be loyal to the State or else you're branded as a traitor and thrown in jail. Life in this police-state is very repressed, and blacklists are very common—even for the smallest offense. Take this very unsettling scene here, for example.



(In case you couldn't read the super-small subtitles, a lower-class worker tells a joke about the Party leader, and the Stasi member sitting at his table decides to play with him a little bit, first by encouraging him to tell the joke, then doing a complete 180 and saying that his career is done—but then turning right around and saying he's just kidding. All the same, this exchange scares the living wits out of the lower-class worker, and this scene illustrates the extremely slippery slope that people lived with when speaking out against the State and its leaders.)

In many ways, The Lives of Others bears a great resemblance to Francis Ford Coppola's The Conversation, insofar as a detached, dispassionate surveillance man begins to question his work due to unforeseen circumstances, and begins to get involved with the people he's spying on. And his involvement has the potential to shatter not only these other people's lives, but also his own. For here in The Lives of Others, Gerd Wiesler is a career Stasi agent, and his loyalty to the State is so strong that he follows protocol at the expense of everything else in his life: he has no wife, no family; all his friends are Stasi members; he's essentially a loyal subject leading a sterile, bland, and very lonely life of blind obedience. And in an early scene where he's teaching a course on proper interrogation, he actually red-flagged a student who questioned the morality of harsh interrogation methods.

After seeing a stage play with his boss, Grubitz, he's ushered in the general direction of playwright Georg Dreyman, to see if his loyalty to the State is as firm as everyone believes. The recommendation to spy on Dreyman comes from Minister Bruno Hempf, who's having a fling with Dreyman's girlfriend, actress Christa-Maria Sieland. Wiesler may not be a rocket scientist, but he's definitely smart enough to see that this is a personal thing for the Minister—get Dreyman out of the picture so the Minister can get the girl. Grubitz, on the other hand, has another motive for bugging Dreyman: it aides in the suppression of the arts, and by extension, free thinking. There's a long scene where he describes the different "types" of artists and how they respond to interrogation, mostly along the lines of them never writing again because they've been so broken by their experience, no matter how tame.

But Wiesler, being the loyal subject that he is, doesn't give that any mind, so he and his crew set up "Operation Lazlo" by bugging the living hell out of Dreyman's apartment. Wiesler then sets up shop in a nearby room so he can eavesdrop on Dreyman and Christa-Maria, and types up general reports on their daily activities—which really don't amount to much, let alone anything treasonous. Then one day Dreyman gets news that his friend, Albert Jerska, has committed suicide, and it sets off a moral conflict inside Dreyman, because a number of years ago, Jerska was blacklisted by the Stasi for making borderline inappropriate remarks against the State, and Jerska was one of East Berlin's best stage directors. This gets Dreyman to thinking about the suicide rates in East Berlin, and to how much life under Stasi rule is a contributing factor. The problem is, that kind of subject matter is banned in East Berlin (as it would be considered slanderous to the State), so his only avenue of publishing is to get it to a publisher in West Berlin—which in and of itself is no easy task, as this was the era of the Berlin Wall.

Thus begins Dreyman's so-called turning against the State, and at the same time, Wiesler the observer begins to have a crisis of conscience, too, because I think his spying brings him unexpectedly close to this couple, so that in the end he's created a kind of voyeuristic intimacy with them to fill the void left by his loneliness. He even reaches out one night to Christa-Maria in a coffee shop, simply as a fan of her acting. But he also has to wrestle with his professional responsibilities, and even has the chance to play god, as it were. At one point, he caused the doorbell to ring at the precise moment Christa-Maria arrived home with Minister Hempf, thus bringing that affair into the light. And much later, Wiesler's crisis of conscience causes him to intervene at a very key moment, with shocking results that nobody could have expected.

All throughout the film, a sense of hopelessness and despair reigned, and the soundtrack, the camerawork, and especially the acting reflected this sense to a T. I can't say I'm familiar with all the principal actors here, but their performances were spot-on all around! Dreyman was perfectly subtle, Wiesler was ramrod-straight but cracking ever so gradually, and Christa-Maria was conflicted but resigned to her fate. And I have to say, the conversation that took place between Dreyman and Christa-Maria, where he finally tells her that he knows about her affair with Minister Hempf, was the most magnificent scene of the whole film. I would have given both actors Oscars just for that scene alone. I wish the soundtrack could have received an Oscar nomination as well, as each note perfectly fit the melancholy despair of the film.

But very subtly, The Lives of Others asks some very serious questions about what people are willing to sacrifice to comply with the law of the land, what expense these sacrifices take on the human soul, and what it means to be true to yourself. A perfect 10.

I smell a Good Will Hunting sequel here!

I'm surprised the Post didn't pick up on this story (or maybe I didn't dig deep enough into its archives), but a homeless man named Tom Murphy is being recognized as a chest "expert." Murphy lives and plays in Dupont Circle, the site of many a chess game, and apparently earns money by teaching people to play.

Me, I know very little about chess, despite the many attempts at teaching me how to play. My whole problem is, I've never been good at games of strategy. Hence, why I stick to Clue and Texas Hold 'Em.

More Comcast

Apparently Comcast hasn't been phased by their recent "hammer" incident. Because when I arrived home tonight, there was a notice that Comcast representatives would be in the lobby of Riverhouse tomorrow evening selling their new Triple Play package to anyone interested. Hopefully they'll be appropriately customer-friendly, given the circumstances.

Bringing the hammer down

I caught this tidbit on the morning news today, and instead of being horrified by it (like I probably should have been), I wanted to laugh!

Apparently, a 75-year-old woman got pretty fed up with Comcast when trying to purchase their cable service, had little luck reaching them on the phone or coordinating with the cable technician, and decided to take her grievances straight to the source—only she did so in a rather unorthodox manner: she walked into a Comcast office and started beating the front desk with a hammer, shouting to them, "Have I got your attention now?"

After hearing this story, I remembered all the (very vocal) complaints that customers had with Comcast over the years, and I don't doubt for a moment that many people are cheering her on for doing exactly what they've wanted to do already. Case in point, giving us the runaround on MASN and the Big Ten Network (though I have separate issues with MASN, so I begrudge that network more than I do Comcast). Me, so far my only complaint with Comcast is that they've become way too expensive. My cable bill is now twice what it was when I first moved here, and that's just for the Basic/Extended Cable package—i.e., 60-some odd channels, without all the movie channels like HBO or Cinemax.

But strictly with respect to the Hammer Lady, while I may not be happy with my higher bill, I'm not as angry as her or other Comcast customers, so I just get a big laugh out of all this. But if this episode shows us anything, it's that the days of angry mobs storming the Bastille with torches and pitchforks may not be entirely over.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

It's been ages since I posted a movie review—a fact that doesn't sit well with me, given that I originally started this blog for the expressed purpose of writing movie reviews! That being said, I figured I'd need to review a very suitable movie for my glorious return to the medium, and what better movie to review than one of the most legendary westerns of all time?

I'd better get this out of the way now: when it comes to westerns, I'm hands-down a John Wayne loyalist. I'd take the Duke over Clint Eastwood any day, but having said that, that shouldn't imply that certain Clint Eastwood westerns aren't good movies. In fact, some of the westerns he's starred in have shaped the very genre of the western into what it is today! Case in point, Sergio Leone's 1966 classic The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly—one of the, if not the, landmark "spaghetti western" ever put to film.

Though when watching a film like The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, it's hard to label this an Eastwood western, because even though he gets top billing (and because it completes a trilogy with his man-with-no-name character), this movie belongs rightfully to Italian director Sergio Leone, who proves here that he had a stunning grasp and vision of the western genre when making this film—not to mention U.S. history with respect to the western frontier and the Civil War, because The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly takes place pretty soon after the Civil War has concluded (or at least while on its last legs).

In fact, the Civil War provides the talisman of the story: $200,000 worth of gold coins that an escaped Union soldier named Jackson Bill Carson has stolen and hidden. The existence of this treasure is first discovered by hired gun Angel Eyes (Lee Van Cleef) while baiting his newest hit, and later by slimy and greedy gunman Tuco (Eli Wallach). Tuco discovers the existence of the gold while torturing his partner, Eastwood's man with no name (even though Tuco refers to him as "Blondie"), by dragging him across the desert without the aid of water or shelter for days. Suffice it to say, Tuco and Blondie had something of a falling out (as illustrated in the movie's first hour), and Tuco didn't take too kindly to it. But as luck would have it, Tuco and Blondie were the first to find Bill Carson, and while dying, Carson disclosed the secret of his gold to each man separately: to Tuco, he gave the location of the cemetery where he'd buried the treasure; to Blondie, he gave the name of the grave the treasure's buried in. Suffice it to say, Blondie and Tuco now have to grudgingly rely on one another in order to find the gold . . . but not before stumbling upon Angel Eyes in a Civil War POW camp, who has his own sights set on finding the gold for himself.

What strikes me more than anything else about The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, is how well it's made! I never thought a Western could be expanded into such a sweeping, sprawling epic, but Leone did just that! His magnificent direction is visible at every turn: the camerawork, the editing, the soundtrack, the supreme close-ups—they all make for a remarkable moviegoing experience! Just from the opening scenes, tension is built so naturally not by gunfights . . . but by sheer silence. The film opens with three gunfighters all converging on a saloon, none of them saying a word, the only sound in the air their footsteps on the gravel below. In that deadening silence, a sense of deep foreboding emerges, and just explodes the moment they enter the saloon and are gunned down off-screen by Tuco. No dialogue is actually spoken, either, until at least one scene later, after a very uncomfortable and solitary dinner scene between Angel Eyes and his bait. (Talk about less being better!)

Personally, I loved the labels (good, bad, and ugly) applied to each character after they made their entrance, as it showed a very creative approach to introducing each character. Along that same vein, the acting itself is quite impressive, too. For Eastwood, the acting is about standard, and we're treated to lots and lots of his brooding silence. Though he does show a compassionate side once in a while, like when he offers his cigar to a dying Union soldier for a few comforting puffs before lights out. Lee Van Cleef, fresh off the previous installment For a Few Dollars More (though in a different role), is simply marvelous as the brutal Angel Eyes. When he rides in at the beginning of the film and baits his first hit, I was totally wonderstruck by the evil smile he wore . . . and was especially undone by the fact that he never once took his eyes off his mark—not during his entrance to the house, nor when he sat down at the dinner table, nor when he scooped out a dinner plate for himself, nor during the entire stretch of their conversation. He truly earned his branding of "The Bad."

But in the final analysis, the show belongs firmly to Eli Wallach's Tuco! At first, he strikes you as greedy and annoying, but after a while, he damn near steals every scene he's in—and worse yet, you almost want to start cheering for the guy! Almost ironic that he's labeled "The Ugly" right from the opening scene. (And from that breakdown, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to learn who "The Good" is.)

The score by frequent Leone collaborator Ennio Morricone has become nothing short of legend in the film score canon, particularly for westerns. I really must marvel at the musical genius of Morricone, because his film scores somehow capture the very essence, the unique and telling depth of not just the individual scene but of the greater whole—imparting the rise and fall of each story magically through the sounds and the emotions of each note. One of my favorite Morricone scores is from The Untouchables, which captures the heartbreak and the noir sense of 1930s classicism like no other film score outside of Chinatown could. And the same can be said for Morricone's score for The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, because his tunes here have irrevocably linked themselves with showdowns, solitary strangers, and lonely nights on the prairie. The music over the scene where Tuco runs through the cemetery is probably the most recognizable tune, aside of the "whistling" opening score, that is.



The finale, too, is marvellously filmed, and showcases one of the best showdowns in cinema history. Like the opening shootout, nary a word is spoken. The power of the scene is carried purely on the silence of the stare-down.



If I have one complaint about The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, though, it's how the dialogue is framed. Being that this was filmed largely with Italian actors, it's understandable that nearly all their lines were going to be dubbed over in English. But it just looks so blatantly obvious that it often reminds me of a bad Godzilla remake. The voice actors weren't much better, either, mostly because their accents are too thick to sound authentically western. Though I think the three main stars did their own voices throughout the film (I know Eastwood did, at least; Lee Van Cleef looks real enough, as does Eli Wallach). Nevertheless, I still give this film a 9.5 out of 10, with high marks to director Sergio Leone for fashioning such an influential film as this.

A Star Trek asteroid

George Takei, the actor who played Sulu in the original Star Trek series, now has an asteroid named after him: 7307 Takei. Seems fitting, really, that a Star Trek character has his name applied to a celestial body—though apparently a couple other cast members beat him to it, as there are asteroids named after Gene Roddenberry and Nichelle Nichols as well.

Though it kinda surprises me that there isn't a celestial body named after Spock, Kirk, or Picard. Maybe those names will be reserved for newly-discovered galaxies?

Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad!

37 years, and they haven't killed each other yet. That's gotta be a record! :)

Thus ends season three

At 4:36 pm yesterday afternoon, season three of Nationals baseball came to an end as they lost to the Phillies 6-1, and I have to admit, I feel rather bummed. Not by the loss per se, nor by the fact that the season has come to a close. It's because I've felt so detached from Nats baseball for much of the season, and whenever I was able to see a game, somehow my usual enthusiasm was misplaced.

The season started out normally for me—thirsting for the season opener like a little kid yearning for Christmas morning, but preparations for my trip to London in June ate up so much of my time and energy that I completely lost track of the Nats in the process. Thus, when I made it back to RFK in late summer, it almost felt like I had become detached from Nats baseball, and like each game was something I remembered from a distant past. Missing was the passionate following that is more customary with me for each season, and for some reason, I wasn't able to regain it.

I have to admit, I kinda regret not making it out to RFK more this season, because as I said, I live for the start of Nats baseball season each April—even the pre-season games in March! I'd really hate to think that I'm losing interest in the Nats, so hopefully in season four, when the Nats begin playing at their new ballpark in Southeast, my enthusiasm for my team will return like it always has—and stay throughout the entire season.