National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I ask you, what kind of holiday season would it be without Clark Griswold and his family making an appearance? Since its release in the late '80s, I have to believe that Christmas Vacation has become an essential element—if not required viewing—within the vast library of holiday films, standing next to such classics as A Christmas Carol, It's a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn, A Christmas Story . . . even A Muppet Family Christmas.

When I first saw Christmas Vacation, I didn't go into it thinking that it was a Christmas movie per se; instead, I saw it as the third installment of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, following the Griswolds on yet another lunatic adventure. Only this time they didn't go on any (mis)adventures to Wally World or Europe (despite the fact that the film opens with the whole family in the car, obviously going somewhere). The story is pretty well known by now: Clark Griswold wants to have the most perfect family Christmas ever, or as he describes it, "a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas." And he must contend with in-laws who don't get along, uninvited distant cousins, snobby neighbors, oversized Christmas trees, hollowed-out turkeys, and of course, squirrels—all while waiting for his Christmas bonus, so he can afford to put in a swimming pool.

After umpteen viewings, you really can see how unrealistic Clark is in his drive for the ultimate family Christmas. He wants to have the perfect everything for Christmas, and his expectations are so high that he doesn't settle for anything less than outright perfection . . . at all costs. I think Clark's idealistic notions are perfectly exemplified early on, when he and his family finally find their Christmas tree: standing in the middle of a large meadow, shining brightly in a full halo, with a choir of angels singing in the background. This is pretty much what Clark expects every aspect of his family Christmas to be like. And you know that with expectations that high, disaster is not just inevitable but a virtual necessity at that rate. . . starting out with them forgetting to bring a saw to cut the tree down with, and having to dig it out by its roots. And just how much sap is in that tree again, Clark?

Along the way, we have our share of truly outrageous characters coming into the fold. Topping the list is, of course, Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie. When he shows up on the scene, I still want to do a double-take, because the man literally appears out of nowhere. His rusted-out, redneck RV just conveniently appearing in Clark's driveway on the heels of Clark's supreme holiday moment—his house lit up so much that it can be seen from space (I wonder how much electricity is eaten up by 25,000 twinkle lights?)—and every scene with Cousin Eddie in the picture, you just can't help but wonder, "Where the hell did this guy come from?" He's so devoid of class that everything he does is, by definition alone, outrageous and hilarious. Every action he takes superbly undermines Clark's attempts for a perfect family Christmas, and the best part is, it's all unintentional. Let’s do a quick rundown of Eddie's classic moments:

• His proclamation "Shitter was full!", which has become almost as legendary as "You talkin' to me?" (I probably shouldn't admit to this, but at every Penn State tailgate, I'm always tempted to shout "Shitter was full!" the moment I come out of the Porta-John; either that or Grandpa Simpson's, "This elevator only goes to the basement! And someone made an awwwful mess down there . . .")
• How he chooses which dishes to eat at Christmas dinner
• His dog Snots drinking all the water out of the Christmas tree, perfectly setting the stage for Uncle Lewis's later destruction of it
• His shameless consumption of eggnog and walnuts while knocking all the wings off of Clark's candle decoration (the name escapes me, but it's run on the heat of candles with a rotating interior)
• That ugly-ass blue leisure suit he wears to Christmas dinner
• And, of course, his kidnapping acquisition of Clark’s cheap, hard-nosed boss, played by Brian Doyle-Murray (brother of Bill Murray)

Among the other outrageous characters who appear in the movie, we have E.G. Marshall as Clark's crusty father-in-law. Sadly, he doesn't get many lines, but it's worth it just to hear him proclaim, "I'm freezing my baguettes off!" when Clark goes to light the Christmas lights for the first time. We also have Julia Louis-Dreyfus making a pre-Seinfeld appearance as one of the snotty neighbors who has a chance encounter with a squirrel. My favorite outlandish character was Aunt Bethany, the downright batty family member who completes Clark's desperate perfect holiday gathering. She's well-meaning but totally off the reservation, and the prayer she offers up at Christmas dinner is just priceless! (Just as a side note, I learned only recently that Mae Questel, the actress who played Aunt Bethany, did the original voice of Betty Boop!)

The casting of the Griswold family was shaken up a little for this installment, most notably in the roles of Rusty and Audrey. In the first two Vacation movies, Rusty was the older of the two children, while in Christmas Vacation, Audrey was the older sibling. Anthony Michael Hall was replaced by a young Johnny Galecki, and Juliette Lewis (way back before she dedicated herself to playing only white-trash characters) served as the third actress to play Audrey.

I can't even count the number of classic scenes that Christmas Vacation offers. Clark's complete meltdown after he receives his Christmas bonus Jelly-of-the-Month club card is absolutely perfect! I'd still like to know if that rant was scripted or improvised, because it's pure genius!



Let's also not forget the mall scene where Clark starts to completely stumble over the hot counter girl.



And I how can we go without Eddie's trademark line?



All that being said, how can I give Christmas Vacation anything other than a perfect 10 this holiday season? It just wouldn't be human of me to do otherwise. A perfect 10 it is, with eager anticipation of many future viewings! Now if you'll excuse me, I think the SWAT team is about to pay Mr. Griswold a visit.